A few years ago I was asked by my wife the dreaded “will you go to the store” question.  this question in and of itself is quite dangerous for us males, as we have a habit of not getting exactly everything on the list.  Yes I need a list, I am male after all.  My wife, well aware of my poor memory, already had a piece of paper with the item(s) listed on it and stuffed it in my hand.  “Don’t be long I have dinner cooking”.  I looked at the crumpled note in my hand as I am a good husband and always repeat back to my wife what she is asking me to get, even though it’s on the list.  “Uhmm, feminine pads, ultra thin, with wings, unscented.”  What? Yes, it was the dreaded item that men fear shopping for the most.  Not that it emasculates us just that it is something out of our area of expertise.  We are pretty good at potatoes and cans of soup, heck we are really good at milk and bread, but feminine needs, well I don’t speak for all men, but that is out of my comfort zone by a long shot.

Grumblings something under my breath I walked out the door.  “Don’t forget to go to Publix” seems she uses the store brand, frugal she is.  Muttering something I drove off, my hand still holding the list, well it wasn’t a list it was a single item, with a paragraph of a description about it.  I pulled into the parking lot, taking a deep breath I headed into the store.  I was not going to let this fluster me I thought, I’m going on the offense for all the males of this world that are suckered into this task by their wifes, lovers, finacees, sisters, mothers, whatever.

Looking up at the aisle markers, finally finding the Feminine Needs aisle… I like that name, yet I don’t ever see “Masculine Needs” aisles in these stores.  There were a few women mulling around the aisle, on the left side were the “packages” and on the right side were all kinds of diapers and baby stuff.  Bravely, I walked right into the middle of the small group of women and started looking at what had to be several thousand varieties of small packages of feminine pads.  Checking my list I eliminated several types because they were not winged, oh those are scented, not those.  I am sure I was muttering to myself.  One woman shuffled off down the aisle without buying anything.  A second woman, mortified I suppose by my presence, turned and put some baby diapers in her cart and rushed off to another aisle.  The last woman was looking at me a bit nervous, surely this is a pervert standing next to me.  I held out my list to her, a pleading look on my face as I asked “can you help me”.  A blush came over her face as she looked at the list and at the multitude of items on the shelf.   In a quiet voice she said “I don’t see them here” and hurried off to join the other women no doubt in the bread aisle.  Ok I had been standing here for five minutes, I am sure the Store Manager has been alerted to the pervert in Feminine Needs, so I quietly walked out of the store and got in my car.

I got home in a few minutes and proceeded to tell my wife that the brand, style, shape, and all accessories that she wanted in a feminine pad were not available at Kroger.  “Kroger” she said, stirring a pot on the stove.  “what does it say at the very top of the note”.  Sure enough, in letters big enough to bite me was the word Publix.  “Publix store brand dummy, they are different from Kroger”.  My turn to blush a bit, but being the true husband that never knows when to quit I blurted out “Yeah, well the lady in the store didn’t see where you wrote that either”

I have not been asked to buy feminine pads since, maybe I am on to something here.

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