I bought the paint in May, I think it was on sale but I’m not sure.  It sat quietly in the bedroom that it was intended to be used in since then.  Oh it had to be moved to allow the floors to be vacuumed but other than that it sat, silently, waiting for me to apply the silky contents to the walls.

I finally succumbed to the external pressure (aka the Wife) and the internal pressures (aka my guilt) and decided  that this past weekend would be the day.  I had not painted anything in over a year and I was feeling pretty good about it until I realized there was a reason I hadn’t painted anything in over a year, and that was the Peter Rules of Painting.

Each and every one of my rules came true as I tried to apply just a single gallon of paint to a small room with only two windows and two doors.  Tell me if I am alone on this list:

  1. Regardless of the masking tape you use (regular or blue) the end result is still paint getting on things it is not intended to;
  2. No matter how much you cover anything in the room with drop cloths, paint will still get on the carpet, the furniture, the ceiling and of course the light fixtures;
  3. The trim will always be darker than the walls;
  4. The cat will always come into the room just as you complete the second coat and walk along the wall (he is a lovely shade of blue now);
  5. After the first coat is on, and the painter (me) is taking a well deserved break, the Owner (wife) will say “that doesn’t look very good”;
  6. Regardless of how empty the house is (send them off shopping) just as you get in the painting groove (yes there is one) there will be a knock at the door and someone will want to discuss my life in the hereafter, as if I am not having enough trouble with the present;
  7. At least once during the process, when you turn, bend over and lean down to apply paint to the roller, your butt will smear across the freshly painted wall (go on, tell me I’m wrong);
  8. When the painting is finally done and you decide to remove the masking tape it will always expose areas that should have been painted; and
  9. The final rule is that no matter how big or how small the area is, the amount of money spent on paint is only half of the amount spent on adult beverages.

Well there is my list, I am due to paint another room this summer, but I have already decided to hire someone to do this one.